Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Zack Snyder - Sucker Punch - appreciation missing

remember, the new Sucker Punch film is from Zack Snyder, the director of Dawn of the Dead (never fancied it) and 300 (energising but often just too much like a homo-erotic Davidoff 'cool water' advert, featuring a cringe-worthy husband/wife in bed moment) and Watchmen (too many cod-pieces, not enough meat) and Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (which was actually quite okay if you understand that the goody-goody hippy owls are as fucking tyrannical and mentally retarded and psychologically sinister as the naughty-naughty military owls) which I sorta snear-reviewed in this recent blogpost.

Sucker Punch was a grimly-one-handed MK-Ultra snuff-film boasting gratuitous crotch shots of pony-tailed non-natural-blondes in provocative school uniform and enormously over-powering and needlessly testosterone-fuelled father figures.

But all that subjectivity aside, the biggest crime of this 'Cruel & Unusual Production' was that it played like every bland episode of Beverly Hills 90210 bullet-riddled by four long advertisements for manga porn sex toys and how to use them to MURDER, KILL & SLAUGHTER.

It's a 12-certificate film(UK, 13-PG in USA), for fuck's sake!

I mean, talk about de-sensitizing the kiddies in the name of corporate profit! And while the production design rocked and the fight scenes were exquisitely choreographed, the script was as hobbling as the tottering high heals this ridiculous film asks the girls to scamper around in.

Sucker Punch could be the equivalent of Paul Verhoeven's Showgirls, and he could look back on this particular outing as one of his worst film choices to date.

Oh, and don't think of moving into pop video direction, Mr Snyder - you don't got it.

The moral message of this film seemed to be TAKE ON THE MILITARY, YOU GOT THE GUNS, PEOPLE -- what an amateurishly childish political stance, you'll all be slaughtered or incarcetared on day two of the 'war'.

Oops, did I oversell this bowl of steaming tripe?

Anyway, Bonues DVD Features should have been: the ability to just watch the four manga porn sex toys adverts (Fuedal Warrior, The Trenches, Dragon and Distant Planet) all the way through in one scene. Just edit that gorily addictive eye candy together and leave out the tedium, forget forever the tooth-grinding range of pop songs someone chose over a decent driving soundtrack.


Erich Kuersten said...

Aye - just as in Watchmen, there's the feeling with SP that way too much time was spent making sure every dumbass robot died a natural death, and not enough making us care, with girls who never budge from their one note characters, and come off as less 'human' than their foes. A bit like walking into a video game store with a cocaine hangover, while your niece blasts Verucca Salt on her cell phone. Snyder should be ashamed.

Ben Newman said...

emily browning is quite nice to look at though... try watching it with the sound off? Then you can ignore the horrible script/story.