Wednesday, June 29, 2005

PORNSTARS VAMPIRES ZOMBIES:

Yep, you read it right. It's a rich meal of psycho-erotic prose from the menu of sickness but you better believe it, Philbin, Korn and Severin are at it again. PORNSTARS VAMPIRES ZOMBIES - that's the name of our next collaborative release; a 45,000 word book split into three parts.

First Part: FUCK STAR - this is a galactic 'station's of the cross' type narrative chronicling the extremely hardcore sci-fi life of pornstar Eli-X (15,000 words).

Second Part: TITLE PENDING - this tells the three-part tale of Vampyre, a legendary beast with ingrowing cunt-canines who straddles the cocks and candystores of history's wriggling bloodline (10,000 words).

Third Part: ZOMBIE FUCKER: RELOADED - Severin and I didn't like our original version of the Zombie Fucker short story, though we really had a hotspot for the central character Dahli Winterbottom, so we snuck off into a seedy corner and rewrote it entirely from scratch (15,000 words).

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

DARK ANIMUS ISSUE 8:

My latest story "Twelve O'clock Shadow" is to be published by Australian print zine Dark Animus in their forthcoming eighth issue. Available soon.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

2002, A VINTAGE YEAR:

I wasn't the only one to have sat through a dull, grey horror event in 2002 then. Seems horror stalwart Paula Guran (who runs DarkEcho) also suffered enough to pen this tremendous polemic on the rate of decay of the hulking horror beast back then, too. Why am I bringing it up now? Well, it was mentioned on 'another place' and the lambs were to be heard bleating (in the negative) Clarise. It was my first reading of the article.

There're some good things said here about why the horror franchise may have soured over the years - maybe it's time for a McDonalds marketing approach, you know, you can get rice dishes and salads at McDo' now. Maybe there's a variant of the McSpicyHorrorRiceDish or the McGhoulSalad waiting in the wings to freshen up a jaded format. Expand the horror menu and liven up the genre. Maybe all horror needs is a catchy theme tune like Justin Timberlake's "I'm Lovin' It!" to reignite the campaign and keep horror on our bookshelves. Right!

Back to Paula Guran's polemic, there's some great passionate prose in there, like this heart-rending section:

The drawback is that many of these people have no desire to be writers, only to "have written." To wear the mantel of writers. But writing is not a waltz. It's a war. You have to be on the front lines, crawling on your belly in the blood and feces and mud, ducking the barbed wire and the enemy fire, risking your fucking LIFE to write as well as you can, better than you thought you could. Real writing happens when your blood meets the bayonet, when your bone is nicked with the blade. Then maybe someone will pat you on your bandages and tell you are a writer.

Here's the link to the full article as featured in Locus Online back in 2K+2, Paula Guran's TRIBAL STAND.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

KLEPTROLLPARASITISM

Yesterday evening, while out on our first ever Saturday evening walk (about 4 hours, plus sandwich, chocolate and beer stops) in Wytham Woods without the kid (she had a birthday sleep-over, bless) we saw among other things a gay little muntjack deer, a pair of badgers and a strange flower in the woods that was new to either of us. So, this morning, we decided to get out the reference books. It was a common orchid. Nice though, dark spots on its long leaves.

We were also lucky to witness, as we had our supper on a bench, a Buzzard floating silently down off the slope heading out towards Farmoor reservoir. Now, many birds are quick to take advantage of smaller, weaker species by stealing their food. Black-headed gulls will harrass puffins for their fish and lapwings for their earthworms. Birds of prey, like the buzzard we saw, will steal each other's catch. This is called kleptoparasitism.

I wonder what the technical term is for parasitic bastards who sully one's reputation to the online writing community. Is it a case where politics and flunkyism overtake writing talent? Then go be a politician, flunky, and leave the writing to the writers.

Geddit, trolls? And when I say trolls, I'm talking about my ever-stalking NFDC.net troll and my equally-pestilent SHAWCABLE.net troll. And you know there's nothing on this blog or on my website that you should be sticking your nose in. Here's a song for you sad online excuses, you know who you are. "Troll, troll, troll yourself gently somewhere else." Everbody sing along now! "Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily you are just a troll."

Thursday, June 16, 2005

NEW STORY - BROTHERLY LOVE:

The paying site ScienceFictionFantasyHorror.com has just uploaded my newest story BROTHERLY LOVE to their site.

Summary: A helpful gift from a loving half-sister prompts her half-brother to return the favor.

Editor’s Forward: Now this one is a challenge. After all, we don’t have a category for “twisted”. But, I do need to fill up the Horror category, so here goes... The easily disturbed might want to turn back now.


"But, I do need to fill up the Horror category, so here goes..." Way to really sell it to your punters, Dan.

:)

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

THE FUTURE OF HORROR:

The future of horror.
Whenever some writer/director has a new idea that's within cultural tolerance but feeds off some commonly accepted cliché, for example Clive Barker's Books of Blood, we get the establishment coming out of the woodwork to hail this 'genius' the future of horror. It's happening again, with writers who are unworthy of that title being regularly hailed as the future of horror. Let's examine this universal panacea for a moment. The future of horror. What does it actually mean?

Is there a future of horror?
Well, yes, we live it every time our culture changes. Whenever there's a revolution in a country or a new global threat emerges or an asteroid the size of Manhatten hangs over the Earth or whenever climate changes. That's a true horror from the future, it's the horror we can't extrapolate or market with lame-ass blurbs or millions of summer blockbuster dollars on McBurgerKiFnCg deals for the overweight kiddie-lumps. There is no future of horror being written by the current crop of writers, they just can't hack it - reasin? They are too embedded in their current society to write anything of true horror worth.

Should we care about the future of horror?
Get off your petty, clique-ish rollercoasters - of course you should care. Horror has become a characterless funfair ride. You pays your ten worthless dollars and some clown dangles the garishly-coloured horror stick in front of your face for a couple hours while a line of dribble crawls south over your gaping mouth. Wake up! Forget the writers. You, the young consumer, you are the future of horror.

But what if I wanna change the way the future goes?
Too late, mankind is on a downward curve. Inertia and global marketing will kill all potential for the real medium of horror to thrive. Inspiration will be extinguished. Only the dull grey horror product that is sanctioned by your state or your country will flourish. You are pipe-fed stagnant ponds of horror. You are force-fed acres of zombie burger, cancer writer, bug chaser. Soulless product that only the most wannadie would ever consider worthy of purchase. But you gotta spend your money on something, right, and if it's under your drug-snivelling nose and so-and-so rates it, well it's gotta be worth it, right? Fuck history, right?

Wrong - the true future of horror is with us right now. It is the kid in the hoodie - watch his drug slowed eyes - it is the attitude in our classrooms from the latch-key kid - watch his drug slowed eyes - it is the children we bring up. Now. The future of horror is our children. A true culture shock, as it's always been. We can't write, direct, light, special effect the future of horror because it's being written now into the genes and memories of our 'innocent' offspring. Discover literature, you oaf, read A CLOCKWORK ORANGE and know that Burgess was right - what goes around comes around again. They're out there right now in the shadows of the night, our legacy in black.

Our children will be our undoing.
Our children are the future of horror.

And I'm already screaming...

Monday, June 13, 2005

THE GREAT LITERATURE CLEAN OUT:

Today was a charitable day. I decided that was it. I'd read the books, time and again, my personal collection of fiction over the last twenty years. I packed them into a rucksack and peddled into and around Oxford looking for a suitable charity shop to drop them off at.

In the end, it was a toss up between two Oxford charity shops, Hunger won over Cancer. And rather than split them or drop them off at Cancer Research, the OXFAM shop on ST Giles got the lot.

The list included but was not restricted to:
All William Gibson's paperbacks.
All Jeff Noons's paperbacks (except Automated Alice hardback which I kept for my daughter)
All Octavia Butler's paperbacks.
All William Burroughs paperbacks and essays.
All Greg Iles paperbacks.
The collected Isaac Asimov, hardback.
Collected classic horror stories in their original form, Frankenstein, Dracula etc, hardback.
13 Hideshi Hino graphic novels from Tokyo (English versions).


I kept my Haruki Murakami collection, my Philip K Dick collection and my Cordwainer Smith collection - well, a man's gotta have standards.

MICHAEL JACKSON CLEARED OF ALL TEN CHARGES:

Verdict!

Who's bad!

:)

MIKE PHILBIN - 3D ART PORTFOLIO:

If you guys wanna check out my 3D art portfolio - that's eight years in the computer games industry on such titles as Sony's "Medievil" and "Medievil2", Empire Interactive's "Ghost Master" and a sexy-girlie-sidecar-racing prototype, click the image and "I'll take you there!" (yeah, just like the song):

NEW MIKE PHILBIN STORY @ CORPSEFUCK 'ZINE:

Continuing my assault on the turgid grey horror genre, it pleases me no end to announce my latest online acceptance - a story called Dreams, Blood Stains, Ideals, Sermons, Slaughter at the delightfully named CORPSEFUCK 'zine.

Oh, the psycho-sexual extremes, the rippling gory fingertips, the structured three-act narrative.

Structured three-act narrative, who's writing this shit?

Sunday, June 12, 2005

WHAT ARE THEY SAYING???

I hear them every day.
I watch them going about their business.
I think far too much about what they're saying to each other.

No, not the ridiculous online gossips and those who would slander and libel my name, the birds man - the birds. Does anyone out there have any links to CONVINCING research into the structure, grammar and function of birdsong?

Please! It's driving me to distraction....

Friday, June 10, 2005

RADIOHEAD, CREEP and NICK CAVE, DARKER WITH THE DAY:

1)
I've had this song in my head all f***ing day. I finally remembered that it was from that local Oxford band Radiohead. I don't know why it's there rolling around and around inside my head like mental torture but I do love it so:

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here


2)
Then a joyous revelation happened. I found that old Nick Cave CD I've always loved and put on my favourite richest-lyric-track in the whole world and every thing was suddenly much better:

I was looking for an end to this, for some kind of closure
Time moved so rapidly, I had no hope of keeping track of it
I thought of my friends who had died of exposure
And I remembered other ones who had died from the lack of it

And in my best shoes I started falling forward down the street
I stopped at a church and jostled through the crowd
And love followed just behind me, panting at my feet
As the steeple tore the stomach from a lonely little cloud

Inside I sat, seeking the presence of a God
I searched through the pictures in a leather-bound book
I found a woolly lamb dozing in an issue of blood
And a gilled Jesus shivering on a fisherman's hook

Babe
It seems so long
Since you've been gone away
And I
Just got to say
That it grows darker with the day

Back on the street I saw a great big smiling sun
It was a Good day and an Evil day and all was bright and new
And it seemed to me that most destruction was being done
By those who could not choose between the two

Amateurs, dilettantes, hacks, cowboys, clones
The streets groan with little Caesars, Napoleons and cunts...


Pure artistic apreciation.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

ZOMBIE FUCKER: RELOADED:

Well, what's that disgusting post title all about?

Myself, Alex Severin and Wrath James White once did a 'threesome' story for our BROKEN collection (Medium Rare Books, 2002) called "Zombie Fucker". It was about, well, a woman who wanders down to the local military base and fucks a lot of zombies (yeah, the military use zombies for wound assessment, didn't you know that?).

Anyway, Severin and I were never totally happy with some elements of that 'threesome' story (like the over-used zombie/military angle and the gang-rape element) not because it was too strong, just because it was a little too clichéd.

So, we've decided to totally reinterpret the story from scratch into a NEW FRANCHISE called "Zombie Fucker: Reloaded". Catchy title, don't you think? You can read the first 4,000 word installment of this disgusting zombie-porn-fest by going to my free fiction section. I told you I was gonna save my best new stuff for publication on my own website for free - that's because I love you, reader. I love you so much I wanna eat your fucking liver.

Here's a direct link to help you out - ZOMBIE FUCKER: RELOADED (part 1) by Alex Severin & Mike Philbin. It really is the sickest shit you'll ever read. And that's all you deserve, innit!

THE UK RELIGIOUS HATRED BILL:

Just to be topical for a moment (something I very rarely am) this new Religious Hatred Bill, which religious order do we hate first?

Ha ha ah arrrgggghhhh !

Oh, it's not about hating those blinkered by their faith? Okay. What's it about then? Is it about not offending someone's imagined fantasy of a god/deity system? Faith is just a human filter overlaid onto the universe - it's not truth, nor is it reality. Some faiths get people put in mental asylums or jails, some faiths get people re-elected to positions of global power. Arbitrary idiocy.

More lives have been lost to religion wars and conflict than any other invented human concept. Also, who says what is a valid belief system? Religion is an invented state of acceptance of the infathomability of the cosmos. Why should we integrate religious ideas into politics? Religion has no logiccal foundation other than in cynical control of the masses.

Telling jokes or making comments about someone's faith - why not? If their faith is strong enough, their skin should be thickened against such petty attack. If you want to use RELIGION as a platform for WAR then you support a Religious Hatred Bill.

Remember: the Australian version of a similar Religious Hatred Bill caused MORE religious hatred than it alleviated.

BLOG, OXFORD MAIL - MAY 30 EDITION:

Well, here's the follow up on my bit of news that the Oxford Mail were interested in the content of this blog and (along with a couple other Oxfordshire Bloggers) would like to do a feature article.



Below are the questions the Oxford Mail reporter Debbie Waite asked, with my replies. All in a couple minutes' work:

How long has your blog been running?
I'm not sure - three years maybe. I did used to run a blog under my writing pseudonym Hertzan Chimera but when I killed him off (Aug 2004) I started a new blog under my name Mike Philbin.

How did it start?
I went to Blogger.com and filled in a simple form.

What's the idea behind it?
It's a place where I can freely spill my guts, air my laundry or think in a freeform fashion about certain societal, media or theoretical issues that concern me.

How much time do you spend doing it?
Less than an hour a day on average, if that.

Have you ever kept a diary before?
I used to keep a dream diary that gave me inspiration for some paintings and some prose.

Have you made new friends/aquaintances through it?
No - for me, blogging's a one-way deal. If I'd have wanted to make friends, I'd have signed up for a LiveJournal account that is more suted to such an endeavour or I'd have joined a local club of some sort.

Do you see it becoming as much as a phenomena here as it is in the US?
A blog is an essential part of your marketing effort, so they say. I don't think everyone should have one, but I do think that if you're a writer (for example) people are always keen to know the man behind the words.

Some people say blogging is a form of therapy - do you agree?
Do they? I've never thought of it as a form of therapy.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

"MISOGYNISTIQUE" @ MA_ZINE4:

A reprint of a story from my Animal Instincts over-sized fully-illustrated paperback from Double Dragon Press called MISOGYNISTIQUE (fittingly) has just gone online @ Misogynist Anonymous - issue 4

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

MIKE PHILBIN - 6 NOVELLA SERIES:

The Mike Philbin 6 novella series will be my next 3 book releases.

Spanning 20 years of writing, these are the original texts, restored to their pre-Hertzan Chimera novella form. No mucking about with punctuation or grammar, no trying to be too clever with the language, just the basic sickness and ferocity compacted into a diamond shimmer of heady adventure.

Each novella is 40,000 words long (my favourite writing length). Each book will comprise of two novellas in numbered date-of-writing sequence giving a whopping word total of 80,000 words per book of vaguely interconnected psycho-erotic madness. The six novellas are already written/edited/restored, it's just a case of publishing them.

Here's a sneak preview at the series' covers:

1,000 PIECE JIGSAWS - EVIL ADDICTION:

Forget your prescription drugs, forget your happy-hour alco-pops binges, forget your extreme sports jumping across chasms in city centres or throwing yourself off bridges attached to a bit of elastic, forget winter sports, forget your all-nite every-nite soap marathons, forget your fast-food orgies of the flesh, the new drug that's about to rip apart your social life and destroy your soul is...

1,000 PIECE JIGSAWS

A harmless enough diversion, you might think. Good, healthy family entertainment, right? Mwuah ha ha! They're the product of pure evil, there's no other explanation. Two 1,000 piece jigsaws in one week!?!? I know daddy should be writing the next-big-thing(tm) but he's gotta have his daily fix of colour-matching shape-matching amphetamine logic. Last week it was the fluffy ginger kitten among the flowers, this week it's the Disney compilation - who knows what mentally-torturous body-chemistry-dependent temptation will wander my way.

Time for another trip to Toys-R-Us to alleviate this jigsawing itch. Remember, if you want your soul intact on Judgement Day and you wanna set a good example to your fellow writers never, I say NEVER, get a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle addiction.

I even started a new blog:
http://JIGSAWSWOTIVEDONE.BLOGSPOT.COM

Sunday, June 05, 2005

MIKE PHILBIN - BLOG SHARES:

I'd never heard of this before but apparently, you can buy blogshares in this blog. Go to BLOG SHARES and have a look - but a small warning here. The current value of this blog is over B$5,000 (that's blog dollars) and each share in this blog is currently valued B$200, which is well above average for the literature section.

I have no idea what this is all about but it sure looks like fun - 80% of all shares in this blog have already been bought, so get in quick before they all disappear and my heart and sould becomes the intellectual property of some bloke with more B$ than sense.

Friday, June 03, 2005

NEW CAMP HORROR - STORY AND INTERVIEW ONLINE:

Yes, indeed, the Mike Philbin not-yet-patented hype machine careens into yet another rain-soaked-bus-queue of potential readers.

:)

New story online @ The New Camp Horror - The Beast of Buxton County
synopsis: Sheriff Jeffrey is very protective about his town, anybody steps on his boots does so at their peril.

New interview online @ The New Camp Horror - From The Grave
synopsis: psychic medium and computer programmer Chad Goulding contacts the ghost of Hertzan Chimera for this rivetting resurrection from beyond the veil.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

THE ABSURDIST THING:

1953, 1954 and 1955 weren't necessarily great years for Absurdist Fiction but they are the id #'s for my latest three Absurdist Fiction pieces on the New Absurdist (run by that stalwart of absurdity, polycarp kusch). Hey, psssst, wanna know a secret? Come closer and I'll whisper into your carear - "you can actually leave a vote for either of these absurdist things": Nods as good as a wink....

the absurdist thing 1
the absurdist thing 2
the absurdist thing 3

LYMINGTON and the ISLE OF WIGHT:

This weekend, the family Philbin went camping. We stayed at a campsite in Lymington in the south of England. Lovely weather and we were right next to a nature reserve where we were lucky enough to see not only rabbits, water voles, swallows, ducks, geese, seagulls and terns but also a couple of egrets, some black cormorants and some strange black and white birds with big orange beaks that we'd never seen before.

We even got across to the Isle of Wight for the day - our first time on the island. A 12 mile walk along the coastal path, six miles out west and six miles back to the ferry. Mostly pebble beaches - the sandy beaches were filthy.

The more we do, the better camping is becoming. At first, I was a total camping skeptic, now (while I'm still skeptical) I've learned to work within camping's limitations and get a really enjoyable holiday out of it. Next camping destination, the New Forest proper.